Tumbling, falling, leaning on back. Laughter and smiles lining the walls. All the tension and grief taking a moment to rest, handing me safely over to him for one night, one night and a bit of a morning. Even his usual nonchalance pays attention for once and cradles me in his arms. He whispers soothing words about how strong I am. “You are doing amazing. I just want to make you feel better. Let me look after you tonight, let me be your happiness” and without fail he makes me laugh. We joke like school kids about the ‘hapiness injection’ he is going to give me. It won’t hurt a bit, unless I want it to.
I’m swimming in the thick, heady smell of tequila, weed and rolling tobacco and with interlocked fingers we float on by the past weeks. The tide taking us past Latin music, past mutual friends. We rise and fall bumping into his shaman, pushing off and just dodging ghosts in a hotel that make him groan in annoyance and make me bury my face into the side of his neck in aroused fear. “It’s not real!” He screams and we tip over the crest of reason and land on my soft juicy bed that tells us “I’ve got you. Just let it roll.”
Fingers that expertly roll joints and create art trace circles all over my lips. Which lips? All of them. All fifteen thousand lips covering my starving body. He wouldn’t consider stopping until he has paid attention to each and every set of open lips, a few times over. Sticky. Volumous. Huge. It’s a moment that tears through time and changes what I know of it. Takes me back to when I might one day be happy be happy. Being in the past, looking behind me and seeing him in the future with circles for eyes and wheels for fingers. Gears turning. Everything churning. Even he looks out of control, the vortex of eyes and he reaches across darkness to find me “Where are you? I need you?” and he pulls me towards his body. For what must only be two seconds stretches out for hours and hours and I scream until my voice is hoarse and my lips crack.
Suddenly he pushes me away. Is totally gone. It’s still and I am alone. Really? He found me just to leave me? No. He is there again with more treats for me to sample. He had just gone for one moment to find the treasures we want and need. We share them while the room spins and his medicines make me laugh, shake, and explode across all dimensions of me.
Even in the morning he is still there kissing the hundreds of mouths that cover my back. Kiss… Kiss… Kiss… “You always make me smile” he whispers and I don’t say a word… But I’m thinking “Same….”
